Why Zombies are Cooler than Vampires? (Comment Box)

          When it comes to the immortal question of zombies vs. vampires, people are definitely divided into two camps. On one side, you've got the folks who know in their hearts that zombies are simply made of relentless, ravenous, undead awesome! And on the other side, you have a bunch of tween girls and aging goths who still live with their parents. But the purpose of this article isn't to malign the horribly misguided vampire fans, but rather to prove impartially and with absolutely no bias that zombies are WAY cooler!

Fashion Sense

          Vampires are into capes. Maybe that kind of accessorizing was sinister and intimidating back in the 1800s, when vampires were last considered cool (or “the bee's knees,” as your grandparents used to say). But these days, when you see someone wearing a cape, you don't think, “Aaaiieee! Nosferatu!” You probably just assume it's someone who's really into fantasy role playing games.

          Zombies, on the other hand, wear the clothes they died in or were buried in. Even though their clothing may be tattered and stained with graveyard dirt, blood, and zombie juice, it will still be more contemporary and fashionable than what the vampires are wearing. Unless, of course, the zombie in question was really into fantasy role playing games...

Winner: Zombies

Mental Focus

          Zombies are single-minded and driven in purpose, so much so that their vocabulary is pretty much limited to one word: “Braaaaaains!” Once a zombie sets its mind on, well, eating your mind, it can't be deterred and it can't be distracted. Your only hope of escape is to kill the zombie or run faster than someone else with a tastier brain.

          Vampires, however, are an obsessive-compulsive mess who feel compelled to count things. One traditional method of escaping from a vampire involves throwing a handful of seeds into its path. The vampire simply can't resist stopping, picking up each seed, and counting it. “One! One seed! Two! Two seeds! Muahahahaha! Three! Three seeds...” Vampires are also unable to resist the urge of untying every single knot they come across, so I can only assume most of them wear flip flops or loafers with their capes.

Winner: Zombies

Vulnerabilities

          Vampires are so fragile, it's a wonder any of them survive their first week of being undead. They're afraid of crosses and can be laid low by a slice of garlic toast. Holy water will burn them, running water will disintegrate them, and a stake of wood to the heart will cause them to explode into an unconvincing CGI effect. Sunlight may burn them, or it may cause them to sparkle, which is lame beyond belief, but it least it draws attention away from their capes.

Zombies are tough. They may be walking sacks of rotting flesh, but they're darned hard to kill. Or rekill, as the case may be. You can stab them, shoot them, dismember them, and even cut off their heads, and they'll just keep coming (although, admittedly, decapitation does tend to slow them down a little). The only way to put a zombie down is a bullet or two in the brain pan.

Winner: Zombies

Powers

          In addition to being immortal, vampires have unnatural strength, enhanced sense, and mind control powers. They can also walk on walls and ceilings, or assume the form of a bat, a wolf, or a cloud of smoke.

Zombies, admittedly, get the short end of the stick when it comes to supernatural abilities. Apart from being hard to kill, they don't really get much in the way of power ups. So this category should, technically, go to the vampires. However, I'm still bothered by that whole “sparkling in the sunlight” thing, so I'm going to give it to the zombies.

Winner: Zombies

 

          So there you have it. Empirical evidence that zombies are cooler than vampires. So the next time someone tries to tell you different, you can cite the examples in this article and prove them wrong. Or you can simply point and laugh at their cape.

They're Harder to Kill

          Despite the fact that vampires are often pictured as super fast and super strong killing machines, the bottom line is given the right scenario, they are even more vulnerable than humans. Sun, fire, decapitation, and wood through the heart all kill vampires. Zombies have to have their brains destroyed to truly kill them; otherwise, you can light the sucker on fire and throw him in a tanning booth and he'll still keep coming. 

They Don't Give a Crap About You  

          Almost every modern vampire is either torn between their need for food and life and the fact that they really want people to like them. That or they are so evil they actually want to hurt you before they eat you. Zombies couldn't give a care in the world about you. They aren't evil, they don't formulate plots, they're just hungry and you're on the menu. Offering to be their friend if they don't nibble on your ankle won't do you any good.

They Don't Try to Hide

          What I mean by this is twofold. First, they don't try and assimilate with the general population. They aren't trying to pass as a regular person. Zombies are here, they're hungry, and you'd better get used to it. They also don't go to the trouble of jumping out from behind a corner or flamboyantly arise from the shadows. You know they are there; avoid them if you can, they don't care.

It's Easier for Them to Reproduce

          Of course I don't mean that zombies are bumping uglies. Vampires, according to most stories, have to go through an elaborate process where they drain their victims almost completely, then have to open a vein and have their victims drink their blood. Zombies bite you ANYWHERE and you are about to join the party.If you and your family want to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you'll need to arm yourselves with knowledge. And a sawed-off shotgun. BOOM BOOM!

 

 

 

                                                 

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How to Kill a Zombie (and Make Sure It Stays Dead)

          Zombies are notoriously hard to kill, mostly because they're already dead. Their lungs, their hearts, and their nervous systems are pretty much decorative at this point. The only thing that drives them is that spark of undead life in what's left of their brains.

          Fire may seem like a sure bet, but it's a very inefficient way to kill a zombie. Sure, it will do the trick eventually. But in the meantime, all you've managed to do is turn that insatiable, slaughtering ghoul into an insatiable, slaughtering ghoul that's ON FIRE!

         No, the only way to take down a zombie is to destroy its brain. Decapitating isn't enough, as a zombie without a body is still capable of giving chase (although admittedly only downhill). If you want that zombie to drop, you're going to have to cause more brain damage than five straight hours of talk radio.

          Since there's nothing more annoying than having to kill the same zombie over and over, here are some cool zombie-killing methods that will hopefully do the trick once and for all.

Drop a piano on the zombie.

         Actually, anything sufficiently large and heavy should do the trick, but pianos make a truly satisfying discordant sound when they come crashing down on top of a zombie or two. Plus, for extra style points, you can walk over to the wrecked piano and play Taps on the remaining keys.

          The downside is that it's a lot of effort to go to just to take out a handful of zombies. You've got to rig the hoist and pulley, and then you've got to tie a rope around that piano and hoist it up twenty feet or so. And then, you've got to somehow convince the zombies to stand in one place long enough to let the piano do it's business. One thing you might try is painting a target on the sidewalk and setting a bucket of fresh brains in the center. You might even place a sign nearby that reads “FREE BRAINS” to alleviate the zombies' suspicions.

• Efficiency: 3 out of 10
• Style: 9 out of 10

Go after the zombie with a chainsaw.

          This method is recommended for advanced zombie slayers only, as it requires you to get dangerously close to your targets. Be sure to wear protective clothing and goggles to prevent injury or zombie bites. Stand still and let the zombie approach. As soon as it moans, “Braaaains!” and comes in for a taste, let it have some chainsaw in the forehead! Remember, the goal isn't to decapitate the zombie, but to totally decimate its skull and all it contains. The bloody mess you make is liable to attract more zombies, so make sure you have plenty of fuel and an exit strategy.

• Efficiency: 5 out of 10
• Style: 7 out of 10

Double tap to the brain.

          Admittedly this method of zombie execution isn't nearly as showy as some of the others on the list, but there's a reason why it's known as the old reliable. As long as you have plenty of ammo and a vantage spot, you can pick off the zombies at your leisure. Not only are they great for target practice, but you can play some really fun games as long as the ammo holds out. Don't forget to set aside a bullet for yourself and one for each of the survivors in your group, just in case the worst happens. Yeah, it's depressing to consider, but boy, will your face be red if you come up short of bullets when the zombies inevitably overwhelm and overrun you!

• Efficiency: 7 out of 10
• Style: 3 out of 10

Hit the zombie with a car.

          Preferably, you should use somebody else's car, because all that zombie goo and matted hair can really screw up your grill. Make sure you drive relatively slowly, as plowing into a zombie at 40 MPH will probably total the car and leave you severely injured. Try to keep your speed around 20 MPH or so, to make sure the zombie goes under the car (and the tires), minimizing damage to it while protecting your vehicle. Make sure to check your mirrors and, if the zombie is still moving, throw your car into reverse and back over it. Repeat as many times as necessary.

• Efficiency: 4 out of 10
• Style: 6 out of 10

Just wait out the Zombie Apocalypse.

          Zombies might be hard to kill, but they're not exactly built for the long haul. Most of them only have a life span of three years or so before they decompose entirely, and an unseasonably warm summer might even knock that number down a bit. If you can find a safe place with plenty of food to hole up, just give the zombies five years or so to deteriorate and die out. And then step out reclaim your place in the glorious aftermath of a zombie-free world! Of course, you might want to do something about the millions of desiccated corpses that are no doubt littering the street at this point...

• Efficiency: 3 out of 10
• Style: 2 out of 10

Wood chipper!

          It's not efficient, but man, is it awesome! If you can capture a zombie and somehow incapacitate it, you can cram it feet-first into a wood chipper and turn it into undead mulch. You should probably get a friend to help you, as bound zombies can be a bit unwieldy. Also, make sure you stand away from the chute as the zombie leavings can permanently stain your clothes. You may not put an end to the Zombie Apocalypse with this method, but at least you'll have a way to pass the time during those tedious afternoons while you're waiting for humanity to reclaim the planet.

• Efficiency: 1 out of 10
• Style: 11 out of 10!!!

Mommy, Where Do Zombies Come From?

            Eventually, your children are going to ask you where zombies come from. And while you may be tempted to tell them that zombies don't exist in a misguided effort to put their fears to rest, all you're really doing is setting them up to fail in the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.

So where do zombies come from? From countless places and myriad sources. There are many varieties of zombies, each of which is unique and distinct from the others. In that regard, zombies are a lot like snowflakes, only with more cannibalism and blood spray.

Voodoo

          According to voodoo (or Vodou) beliefs, a dead person can be reanimated by a sorcerer, or bokor. However, the revived zombie has no will of its own and is thus under the control of the bokor. Some say the process is magic, while others claim it is brought about by drugs that induce a death-like state. Voodoo zombies are generally used for cheap labor, and are usually harmless unless ordered into action by their master. In other words, voodoo zombies don't kill people... evil bokors kill people!

• Threat Level: 2
• Weaknesses: All the basic human ones.

Mad Science

          One of the unfortunate results of tampering in the domains off limits to man is that it inevitably leads to a dead body coming back to life. Sadly, this never ends well, although there are some who might rightly claim that the problems stem from the bad choices of the mad scientist, rather than the reanimated corpse. For example, equipping your unnaturally strong walking dead behemoth with the damaged brain of a convicted killer might not be the most prudent coarse of action. When it goes after your family in a fit of jealousy or revenge, you'll have only yourself to blame.

• Threat Level: 4 (8 if you're a member of the mad scientist's family)
• Weaknesses: FIRE BAD!!!

Radiation

          Zombies that arise from radioactive ruins tend to be a little bit more sociable than their savage cousins. Oh, they may still have that pesky craving for human flesh, but at least they'll be able to soliloquize about their new world order while they're chowing down on you. Zombies of this type are usually instantly recognizable by their faux religious robes and their penchant for worshipping old, undetonated nuclear warheads in underground cathedrals.><

Zombie Facts: Real and Imagined

          Zombies, the walking dead, don't exist in the real world, but they have been a big part of pop culture and show up time and again in history and folklore.

          As portrayed in the classic 1968 film "Night of the Living Dead," zombies are lumbering, flesh-eating corpses. Some say this film reinvented zombies, who were shown in earlier films such as 1932's "White Zombie" as "beings whose brains had been zapped by some 'master' who was then able to control their actions," according to the University of Michigan website

          Zombies are even mentioned in Haitian folklore, with the Haitian word "zombi" meaning "spirit of the dead." These tales showed voodoo priests who had the ability to resurrect the deceased through the administration of a magic powder. And according to legend, "In Haiti a zombi is someone who has annoyed his or her family and community to the degree that they can no longer stand to live with this person. They respond by hiring a Bokor, a vodoun priest who practices black magic and sorcery, to turn them into a zombi," according to the Florida Museum of Natural History.

          Even the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has jumped on the zombie bandwagon, with a post on their website in May 2011 entitled "Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse." The post, a tongue-in-check way to promote real disaster preparedness, went viral that week.

          Of course, the CDC was not suggesting we need to worry about zombies. "If you're prepared for the zombie apocalypse, you're also prepared for hurricanes and flooding," said CDC spokesperson Dave Daigle at the time. Another scientific endeavor, by the Oxford Internet Institute, visualized in map form the global distribution of Google Maps references to "zombies."

While no scientific evidence suggests human zombies exist, there are plenty of zombies in the animal kingdom.

          Recent research in a Thai rain forest showed how a parasitic fungi, a species of Ophiocordyceps, forces an infected ant to wander drunkenly over the forest's low leaves before clamping its jaws around the main vein on the underside of a leaf in an ant-zombie graveyard. [Mind Control: Gallery of Zombie Ants]

           By watching 16 infected ants bite down, the researchers, who describe their findings in the journal BMC Ecology, found that the ants' last bites took place around Noon, indicating they are synchronized to either the sun or a related cue, like temperature or humidity. Another study found the fungus not only guided timing of death but also the zombie ant's whereabouts, on the undersides of leaves sprouting from the northwest side of plants that grow on the forest floor. That's where temperature, humidity and sunlight are ideal for the fungus to grow and reproduce and infect more ants.

          Zombie caterpillars have also been spotted by scientists, with one study revealing the mastermind behind the gypsy moth caterpillar's zombie-like run for treetops once infected with a virus. Turns out, a single gene in the virus turns the caterpillars into tree-climbing zombies. Once up high in the trees, the caterpillars die and their bodies liquefy, raining deadly "zombie" virus onto their brothers and sisters below.

9 Facts about zombie (comment box)

  It wasn’t that long ago racial stereotypes were an acceptable staple of Hollywood films. African Americans, Irish, Chinese, Japanese, Italians, Mexicans and many other ethnic groups have had to fight against the way they’ve been portrayed on film. We have progressed as a people over the years, and yet despite our collective evolution, one group, until very recently, still received a clichéd handling from the media; this group is of course, the Zombies. Only through education can we hope to start acceptance, so forget what you think you know about Zombies, and read on to better understand our undead brethren

1. ZOMBIE DEATH  

         

          As the movie Zombieland taught us, there are many ways to kill a Zombie. Shotguns, banjos, baseball bats, pianos, hedge clippers, and amusement park mallets can all be used as effective tools in the termination of a Zombie, as long as these weapons are aimed squarely at the head of the targeted Zombie.Then again, any normal living human being would also find him or herself waking up dead if they were assaulted in a similar manner. The moral of this story? Zombies are people too, or at least they were once, so let’s abandon the rhetoric of hate and let the healing begin.

2. ZOMBIE DECAPITATION

         

          Even if you have managed to decapitate a Zombie, it would be foolhardy to think you are out of harm’s way. There are as many instances of persistent headless Zombies still stalking around blindly as there are disconnected, ravenous Zombie heads, scooting along the floor looking for a morsel of tasty human tissue. As the armless and footless superhero, Black Panther once noted as he gazed upon the disembodied cranium of the zombified Wasp from the laboratory of Zombie Giant-Man, perhaps Zombie hunger is more psychological than physical. (See the comic book, Marvel Zombies.)

  

3. ZOMBIE APPETITE

        

          Why do Zombies eat brains for sustenance?This time the accusatory finger can be pointed directly at Dan O’Bannon for his 1985 film, The Return of the Living Dead. It is in fact in this movie where the very first utterance of the word “brains” can be attributed to a Zombie. Like liverwurst among the living, brain eating is not for every Zombie, but more an acquired taste. Many are happy to gnaw on calf, or a shoulder, and then there are the occasional Nazi Zombies who have been known to go straight for the groin – a regional delicacy for some German Zombies. (See Dead Snow.)

4. ZOMBIES HAVE RHYTHM 

         

          Thanks to the formerly alive King of Pop, Michael Jackson, most of us are aware that Zombies can not only move quickly and in an organized fashion, but in some cases they can also dance and sing. Now to say all Zombies can dance is just as offensive as saying no Zombies can dance, but a quick tour of YouTube will show you the hoofing prowess of many a shadow being. Feel free to view the fancy footwork in such videos as Jackson’s Thriller, The Zombeatles – A Hard Day’s Night of the Living Dead, and of course the one and only Count Smokula’s, appropriately titled, Zombie.

5. ZOMBIE HYGIENE

         

          To say all Zombies omit a foul odor, while technically true, is patently unjust. In fairness to the undead, they are undead, and that particularly unique character trait does bring about a certain pungent fragrance. Zombie culture has different priorities than most cultures in which the populace is not undead, and therefore they have never concentrated on the simple day-to-day personal sanitation that many of us take for granted. Shampoos, toothpaste and deodorant have very little if any practical meaning to a Zombie. Their days and nights are busy with the preoccupation of consuming the meat of the living. Generally they have precious little time to splash on even a hint of Axe Cologne for Men.

6. ZOMBIE INTELLIGENCE

         

          The Zombie community has had to fight persecution for years. Perhaps the biggest misconception is that ALL Zombies are witless murderous husks. While there are Zombies that can fairly be painted by that brush, there are still a good amount of modern day Zombies who would prefer to be labeled as plotting, scheming, and even diabolical murderous husks. (See the Evil Dead trilogy or Land of the Dead.)      

   

 

7. ZOMBIE INFECTION

         

          As we have learned, some Zombies are created by voodoo, but most modern day Zombies became that way after being bitten by an already infected Zombie. A hungry Zombie may or may not feast on the living flesh of it’s terrified victim, but it may just go straight for the delicious brains, or perhaps all it meant to do was take a bite of its prey - therefore insuring another member to the ranks of the undead army. Regardless, one bite that breaks the skin, no matter how tiny, is all it takes for the infection to eventually take over. Other ways of infection include sharing a drinking glass with a Zombie, not putting the paper down on a toilet seat after a Zombie has used the facility, and having unprotected sex with a Zombie. Just use common sense in these matters.

 

 

8. ZOMBIE SPEED

         

          Zombies owe a great deal of their popularity to film writer / director George A. Romero, and yet they have also had to deal with his artistic depiction as a universal truth for decades. “The Grandfather of the Zombie” familiarized movie-going audiences to what we Zombophiles refer to as the “Slow Zombie.” This is not to say that there are no slow Zombies, but there are also many Zombies who could give Michael Vick serious competition in the 40-yard dash. (See 28 Days Later.) Add that to the fact that some Zombies don’t tire out and maybe the Philadelphia Eagles might upgrade to a different type of monster at quarterback next season.

9. ZOMBIE ORIGINS

           Zombies originally hail from Haiti. Voodoo sorcerers (or bokors) from the Caribbean are believed to be able to revive the dead with magic potions, powders and incantations. Another popular way to zombify a human is to introduce a powerful psychoactive drug into the bloodstream of the living. In both cases, the Zombie in question becomes an obedient slave to the spellcaster. Still another option to turn someone into a mindless drooling drone is to sit them in front of TBS for a few hours during a Tyler Perry marathon.

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